二的里焦外嫩的男屌丝

1、今天去买了包玉溪给他二十块，老板非得要二十一块。没办法只好拆开烟递给他一支，永远忘不了小店老板看我离开的眼神。
1, go today and get the package yuxi give him twenty pieces, the boss had to 21 pieces. Don't have to open handed him a smoke, never forget shop boss see my left eye.
2、有个同学，喝咖啡的步骤是，先把一袋速溶咖啡粉倒入口中，之后灌一口凉水，再之后像羊癫疯发作一样抽搐自己的身体，结束了。
2, there is a classmate, step is drinking coffee, put a bag of instant coffee powder into the mouth, after pouring cold water, then like epilepsy crazy attack tic oneself body, over.
3、今天坐公车，结果我提前一站下车了，下车发现不对，我用飞快的速度又从前门上车，结果售票员问我你干什么去了，我说坐累了，下去溜达一下。。。老子太机智了额!!!
3, by bus today, as a result, I have to get off a stop early, found that the car is wrong, I use the fast speed and get on the bus from the front door, the conductor asked me what were you up to, I said tired, take a stroll down the... Lao tze too wit the forehead!!!!!!!!!!!

4、几年前的事，跟一朋友上花鸟市场买宠物，你一定想不到他选宠物的标准是什么，在一家卖小乌龟的店里问：这个养大了能不能煲汤?
4, a few years ago, birds and flowers on the market with a friend to buy a pet, you would never guess that he choose a pet, what is the standard in a shop that sells the turtle asked, this can raise the soup?
5、刚刚接到一个外地电话，响一声就挂了，我给他打过去，喂了半天没人说话，我愤怒的说了一句：有种你就别挂，看谁手机先没电。
5, just got a call from a nonlocal, ring a hang, I called him over and feed the along while have no one to talk to, I am angry said 1: maybe you don't hang up, see who first mobile phone without electricity.